Sabby-Yaki

Come Find Us Over Here

2009-05-23T10:16:00.003+09:00

If you stumbled on this abandoned blog from Japan, come on over HERE.

Home Sweet Home

2007-09-01T11:29:00.000+09:00

I left without even saying goodbye. I didn't know how to officially end the blog. Perhaps I'll be back. Perhaps not. Writing has felt more like a chore lately and I keep waiting for the spark to come back. We're on the move again. This time to the north shore of Lake Superior. Thunder Bay, here we come. I've got my two boys to keep me warm. And aren't they adorable??? Update to come...if I feel it.

Ezra James

2007-04-30T18:16:00.000+09:00

Ezra James made his big debut two weeks ago on April 16th at 20:31 local. It was 18 hours of labour to bring the 9 pounder into the world. He was slow coming down but well worth the wait. He is PERFECT...and so much cuter than the ultrasound pics!

Mom and Dad brought him home from the hospital last Sunday. We've spent a lazy week falling in love with our son.

Here he is! Can you handle it?!

The Great Escape

2007-04-15T16:38:00.000+09:00

I can't stop listening to this song. Thank god for CBC Radio 3!

Patrick Watson deserved that Juno.

Stroller Coaster

2007-04-13T19:08:00.000+09:00

Did you know that babies come with a lot of crap? Lately, I have been dragging my ass out shopping and looking at what conventional parents are acquiring for their kids. It's freaking ridiculous. RIDICULOUS. C and I just want to keep it simple--funny how complicated that can be. So while I'm enjoying this rant, I will also confess something rather daring. I may eat my words or find myself backpedaling or recanting later on but the truth is this: I hate strollers. I think they are freaking obnoxious. Why are they so big? Why do they need all-wheel drive, all-terrain snow tires and a cup holder for your ginormous Starbucks latte? I just don't get them. At all. For this reason, I have put my foot down and said NO to the stroller/buggy/pram/baby SUV--whatever you like to call it. Just NO. We're slinging it, baby.

ps: Damn, aren't overdue pregnant broads crabby!

Quote of the Day

2007-04-02T14:06:00.000+09:00

I just received this card in the mail. How appropriate for spring...

ps: I miss my friends.

On the Line

2007-03-23T18:54:00.000+09:00

What the World Needs Now

2007-03-22T12:14:00.000+09:00

Check out this hilarious new preview...

Make Air Not War

Out of hibernation

2007-03-21T18:58:00.000+09:00

This past weekend C and I stepped out to enjoy the sunshine along the river in Kurashiki. I have not quite reached my tipping point and have put in a lot of klicks of late, albeit at a snail's pace. Only two and a half weeks to go! In response to your requests, some pics of my burgeoning belly for your entertainment...

The Shogun of Japan

2007-03-12T22:44:00.000+09:00

And to think, a year ago this is what we were up to...

It's hard to see from the footage but that, my friends, is a ONE LITRE can of Asahi Super Dry. Impressive.

Weekend Surprises

2007-03-12T08:48:00.000+09:00

1. Shaking your bootie at a bar when you're nine months pregnant will earn you WAY more attention and free gingerale than the sexiest club top around.

2. Snickers really does satisfy you.

3. Curry binging can cause heart burn for three days. That said, it was WORTH IT.

4. Kotooshu got tossed by a midget.

5. Throwing your futon at the TV does not change the fact that Asashoryu got his ass SMOKED!

6. And last but certainly not least, latest ultrasound reveals that the baby has a caterpillar moustache. Could he have stumbled into some bad lighting?

Filler

2007-02-16T22:28:00.000+09:00

This is not an update. I just think it's high time I banish my undie clad ass to the bottom of the page. This was taken weeks before we left for J-land. Isn't my bear cute?

ps Only 5 more days of work!!!!!

4 Things

2007-02-01T11:36:00.000+09:00

I don`t like about being pregnant:

1. Ginormous underwear. I could string these puppies up between two trees and provide shade for the Greater Kurashiki area.

2. My belly button. It now looks like the gaping mouth of a Japanese river carp.

3. Calling your partner "Daddy". It's kind of creepy.

4. Flatulence. Our apartment is a Dutch Bakery with all ovens blasting.

Tits and Giggles

2007-01-27T17:50:00.000+09:00

Today we met with our midwife. Here's what our conversation went like...

MW: Today I would like to talk to you about breastfeeding. First, can I ask you what type of nipple you have? (showing three possible diagrams)

S: Um, I can't really say. It changes. You know, with hot and cold.

MW: (frowning) Well, what type do you think most resembles your nipple?

S: Hmmm. I don't know. Christopher, what do you think?

C: Oh my god, Sarah.

MW: (laughing with embarassment) You really should know your own body.

S: Yes, well I haven't exactly thought a lot about it. I guess I'll choose this one. It looks nice.

Afterwards...

C: What is WRONG with you?

S: What?

In other news, I got my first hair cut in Japan. The squirrel had to go. In a country famous for hair-dos like this, I was disappointed when they gave me "the soccer mom". Now all I need is a mini van...

Three Words

2007-01-25T19:39:00.000+09:00

Oh. My. God.

Lost In Translation

2007-01-24T21:22:00.000+09:00

Miss Yaki: O. Sensei, what happened? Your eye is all red and swollen. Are you alright?

O Sensei: Oh, it's nothing...just my...(flipping furiously through dictionary)...herpes acting up.

Miss Yaki: Right.

Glad Tidings!

2007-01-21T21:36:00.000+09:00

In our two year absence, the Gladstone Hotel has had a face-lift! C and I have decided to check-in and check out one of their new rooms upon our return to the city. I think I like the Canadiana Room...or the Biker Room perhaps. Tell me what you think!

click here

How To Get An A In Engrish

2007-01-21T16:48:00.000+09:00

It's getting harder and harder to squeeze out an A from this disgruntled English teacher. You've got to pretty much pass a kidney stone to impress me these days. However, among the mediocre speeches about pets and global warming and baseball heroes, some earned extra brownie points for standing out. Here's how:

1. Be brave. Choose an outrageous topic, like, er... "Vaginal Health". I'm still blushing. And I think Tsurumi sensei vomited in his mouth.

2. Write a catchy closing. If you're most kids, you say "Thank you for listening". But if you're Mr. Sato, you shake things up with: "Sorry, I'm a fuck-up".

3. Take the gesture suggestion a little too far. Simulate taking your clothes off.

4. Be ironic. Forget your speech at home. Next week, deliver your speech, entitled: "Don't Make Excuses: Take Responsibility"

To be continued...4 more grueling weeks of speeches to go!

Me and Charles Manson Like The Same Ice Cream

2007-01-20T20:30:00.000+09:00

You can't judge a book by its cover but sometimes there are clues to a person's inner workings and mysteries by cetain choices they make. For example, the way a person plays air guitar can reveal a lot about a personality. Giv'r a good stroking with legs parted and a face-melting expression and I can tell right away that you are intense and/or possibly retarded. Limp strumming with eyes closed reveals a sensitive and fragile nature. Accurate chord changes and finger picking tells me that you are a perfectionist and probably really really annoying.

You can also tell a lot about a person by the ice cream flavour they choose. I have long teased C about his preference for Prailines and Cream and Maple Walnut. This demographic is also said to share a taste for these flavours. Should I be worried?
Personally, I have always been attracted to more daring flavours like Jamoca Almond Fudge, Chocolate and Peanut Butter and Mint Chocolate Chip--rather mainstream these days but pretty avant garde for my time. These days, there is an alarming array of flavours out there with personality disorders just waiting to be discovered: "Popping Shower", "Black Sesame" "Red Bean" and "Tempatation Island" among the flavours at our local Baskin Robbins. What the hell is a Popping Shower? It looked like tye-dyed vomit and I was tempted to try it, if not for the baby. Who knows what kind of side effects it could have!! Our son's trademark flavour will reveal itself all in good time. I'd settle for a personality somewhere between Vanilla and Bubblegum.

Somebody's Parents

2007-01-12T16:15:00.000+09:00

Today I took a sickie, but for reals. I'm surrounded by balled up wet tissue, dirty mugs and a stack of embarassing VHS tapes. To make at least something of the day, I will attempt to update my abandoned blog. I thought I would feel pangs of guilt for not writing but as it turns out, I needed to take a long break. I intend to keep the posts coming and should have more time come next month. My last day of work is February 23, after which I plan to devote myself to learning about newborns. In the meantime, I'm having a ball with all the fun stuff like shopping on-line for essentials and justifying being a round-the-clock hog.

We've had a really busy past couple of months with trips to Seoul to visit Jane and Shannon, sumo in Fukuoka, and visits from family. I'll be sure to post some crazy pics of my folks' visit in the coming weeks. For now, I'm spent and need to pop in another video. I'll leave you with a couple of pictures taken at a ryokan in Osaka last week.

Somebody's Parents

Seven months of baby in my belly!

Rogue Cravings

2006-11-02T15:28:00.000+09:00

Today the baby wanted to eat a jar of cocktail olives for lunch. I had to say no and then administer my own spanking.

Happy Anniversary!

2006-10-30T22:40:00.000+09:00

Stupidity First

2006-10-19T20:06:00.000+09:00

As a mother-to-be I was elated to find out that I can now sleep soundly at night. The CBC reports that a growing number of schools in the US are putting safety first and banning that fierce and violent pastime also known as TAG. Sorry kids, you'll have to just sniff more magic markers to get your kicks.

And to the Poindexter in the article who says he now feels safer at school: You can look forward to a beating which you probably deserve.

Tools.

What I wanted to have banned when I was seven:

1. teachers with coffee breath
2. eating glue
3. cooties
4. carrot sticks in my lunch box
5. Miss Hagen, the evil spinster librarian
6. licking the spout of the drinking fountain
7. picking your nose and eating it
8. singing Oh Canada in French

a dream i had

2006-10-19T08:54:00.000+09:00

Last night I dreamt that the Hanshin Tigers signed a Buddhist monk to play for the team. But the monk wore a robe, and meditated through every pitch until he reached a full count. Only then would he swing, for that last pitch. The pitcher, so rattled by the monk`s zen state as he hurled the ball towards him, became increasingly nervous about his last throw, even though the odds were in his favour.
I woke up just before that final pitch. What would have happened? And what does it mean?

*****

In other news, I accepted candy from a strange man last night on the train even though I`m pretty sure my parents told me not to do that, ever. It was lemony sweet!

well hello there

2006-10-14T09:35:00.000+09:00

It's Saturday morning. My new thing is rising early and eating a hearty breakfast, leaving C snoring in bed for a few extra hours. Today I poured a tall glass of orange sunshine, turned up the Billie Holiday and sat around the kotatsu nibbling granola and yogurt, brown rice cakes and peanut butter and the most delicious organic apple I've ever bitten into. Should be good at three dollars a pop! My apetitie is back and I'm happy to report that my brief intimacy with the toilet, with the late night rendez-vous and morning quickies has come to an abrupt end. Finally, I feel like myself again.

As you've all noticed and commented, I've had a case of the blahgs lately. And consequently, have shown no blogger love for quite some time. I've probably lost my audience but alas, it's time to break the silence. When there is so much to write about, I hate feeling obligated to catch up. And so the cycle of procrastination. In the end, I have decided to just talk the same old trash and skip the big, important posts that I should have updated you with. Luckily, C is in the process of uploading all the pics from our big Indonesia odyssey so I will just direct you there with little more comment than: "yeah, what he said". We are going to have to get into a routine of tag-teaming so why not start with team blogging. Picking up where the other left off. He has also promised to guest blog on Little Green so stay tuned for a message from Daddy.

And now I will leave you with a few pictures taken last Sunday. It was a glorious long weekend. On Sunday morning, we awoke at 5:30 and dressed hastily in the early morning light. The harvest moon still hung full in the sky as the sun was coming up over the trees. Mr. Okabe picked us up a little after six, and we drove together to Hofukuji, the beautiful Buddhist temple in Soja. We were met there by a few monks, and a small gathering of zazen followers and first timers like ourselves. We were led into an airy chamber where we were invited to climb up on the rows of carefully arranged cushions. We each took a place on the cushions and twisted ourselves into half lotus position. The monk meticulously instructed us how to sit, and how to breathe but as always, like idiots, we had to take visual cues from the others. A stick of incense was lit and a small gong hit several times to mark the beginning of silence. For one hour, we were not to move a muscle, but concentrate on circular breathing, let our mind disengage, and enter into the oneness of time and space, and everything contained in between. Easier said than done. For the first half hour, I had some success with the meditation. However, when the monk emerged with a big stick and started whacking people on the back, I was a little distracted. Hard to stay in your zen place when the guy next to you is receiving a beating.

Perhaps the highlight for me was the monk chanting at the close of the ceremony. He had an incredible voice and was able to sustain the notes through circular breathing for what seemed minutes at a time.

Afterwards, we met with the zen master and enjoyed sour plum tea, as well as the traditional maccha green tea with adzuki bean sweet. We had to rely on Mr. Okabe for the English translations afterwards but did learn some interesting seasonal folk tales that the priest shared.

We were home and napping by 10:30 but were left feeling exhilirated by the unique Japanese experience. Coincidentally, that Sunday also marked the end of my retching and I have enjoyed excellent spirits and health ever since. I'm converted! I'll be going zen again soon!

Sunday afternoon we headed up to the mountains with a few friends. We camped on Yataka mountain and made an early rise climb to the top for sunrise. Here was the breathtaking view before us...

God's Gonna Cut You Down

2006-09-30T19:28:00.000+09:00

Sadly, the MPAA slapped this trailer with a red ban so you won't see it in theatres....

Deliver Us From Evil

Typical Tuesday

2006-09-26T20:44:00.000+09:00

Here's my day in a nutshell...

-woke up to minor earthquake

-sang Michael Jackson song in front of 300 people

-hit on by a sixteen year old boy in the dark

-chased by paparazzi of high school girls with disposable cameras

-threw up while riding my bicycle

-threw up on my driveway

-went to bed

When we heed a certain call

2006-09-12T15:16:00.000+09:00

It's that time of year again. Head bowed, avoiding all eye contact, hiding inside my locker til after cleaning time, I thought this year I could maybe, just maybe get out of participating in the dignity-sucking School Festival hit pararde. Last year, I gave it my best Karen Carpentar, belting out On Top Of The World with a shit-eating grin spread wide across my face. Did I have fun? Absolutely. In a kind of, "well, this is a unique Japanese experience that I never care to repeat" kind of way. And just when I thought I was off the hook, two students slyly entrapped me at my desk, slipping me a CD and requesting with sad, puppy dog eyes that I sing again this year. When I looked at what they wanted me to sing, I asked them if they were freaking bananas. They looked at me blankly, muttered "nani?" and took my reply as a yes. I will say this: my moment has come. On stage, performing before a live audience and backed by a full brass band, I have been hand-picked to sing We Are The World. By myself.

I`ve been studiously watching the 1985 video in an attempt to master the swaying and facial ticks of each singer. Oh, yes. I plan to do all the voices. I especially love slipping from Dionne Warwick to Willy Nelson. Or from Kenny Rogers to James Ingram. They're gonna think I'm possessed by a freaking demon. Any costume suggestions? Maybe just an oversized pair of padded headphones...

Invisible Ink

2006-09-11T11:33:00.000+09:00

Maybe I wrote in invisible ink,
Oh I tried to think
How I could make it appear...

We are back from Indonesia. I haven't been able to write about it, not until now. And even this post is hush hush. We discovered something so life-altering in the jungle that it has been difficult to think of anything else. I'm pregnant. And boy, was that unexpected! In case you`re wondering how something like this could happen, see this post. Check out what we've been up to the past couple of weeks. I've started an offshore blog to document our shock and bewilderment (and our joy, of course). I promise to get back to regular updates soon. In the meantime, you can read about my retching at: http://littlegreen2007.blogspot.com

Teaser Trailer

2006-09-10T19:24:00.000+09:00

I have yet to recover from my mystery jungle illness. All will be revealed shortly. In the meantime, here are some shots to whet your appetitie. I've missed you!!

2006-08-05T21:47:00.000+09:00

We now interrupt this regularly scheduled programming.

Down to the Wire

2006-08-05T16:55:00.000+09:00

It's 15 hours before departure and we're just packing the last of our things. Not so long ago, I could throw together a suitcase in 15 minutes. Destination unknown: Tel-Aviv, Sao Paulo, Paris, Thunder Bay, Saskatoon, it didn't matter. I could be ready to go anywhere with the snap of a finger. No clean underwear? No problem. Just turn them inside out! One year later, I sit here ironing handkerchiefs and t-shirts, placing everything neatly into labeled zip-lock bags. Is my grandmother inhabiting my body? Next thing you know I'll be sewing the days of the week onto the ass of my undies.

Also in preparation for tomorrow's departure, C and I have removed our wedding rings and filed our nails down to the bone. Apparently, there will be no toilet paper available at the camp. We are expected to make do with our left hand, a bucket of water, and a scoop. Constipation never looked so good! At least we've got the squat down from living in Japan. Ah, well. As the old saying goes, when in Rome...

Joking aside, we are jumping up and down with excitement and anticipation. Only one more sleep!! Be back at the end of August! So long, folks!

ps...In Sumatra I can give up a lot of things: TV, the internet, my ipod and even toilet paper. But one thing I will miss is a new episode of Wiretap on CBC radio. If anyone can tape it for me, I'll be their best friend.

August 6/Wiretap: The Promise of Childhood

Jonathan Goldstein describes how it feels when Zuuzuu discovers the Beatles. Gregor does his best to save a precocious child from certain doom - a future of adult mediocrity. Howard tries to convince Goldstein to revisit the glories of childhood with a round of what he claims was the best game ever: No Rules Octopus Rock Tag.

The new episodes now air on Sundays (Monday for us--rats!!!)

These Boots Were Made For

2006-08-03T23:36:00.000+09:00

I have a foot fetish. Often I have pondered the nature and origin of my fetish and have come to the conclusion that I just like going places. There are always places to come from, and places to go, and damn it, it's my feet that take me there. In turn, I am kind to my feet. I spoil them with expensive lotions and creams. I trip around in comfy Mary Janes and flip flops, and they have yet to complain of a blister this summer.
Boots have, and will always be the ultimate treat for my feet. Some will recall the girly rainboots I just had to have, or those sexy brown suede knee highs I kicked around in for years. In high school, my social-in was owing to a pair of 10-hole Dock Martens (OK, the ripped fishnets helped too.)
And tonight, shopping for mosquito repellant at the Namba Home Centre, I had to give in to yet another whimsical demand of my feet. Behold, the ninja boot:

They are currently only popular among Japanese construction workers and myself. I will see that they catch on. Everybody needs a pair, I say. They are light and quick-drying with amazing grip. And when you slip them on you feel a little like a super hero...or a marsupial.

I must run now. There are trees to climb. And walls to scale. And balls to bust.

Eavesdrop

2006-08-01T09:36:00.000+09:00

on a conversation I had:

-Do you know where I can find a bathing suit to fit me?
-How about a military base.
-Wha?

Fireworks Festival

2006-07-30T09:03:00.000+09:00

The rainy season is over. The oppressive heat of summer has arrived in full force, accompanied by the deafening song of the cicadas. In celebration of summer, we did what anybody would do: don traditional clothing and suppress our breathing! We met at Chisato's house where her mom manhandled us into snuggly fitting yukata. I could feel my arms and legs, but not much in between, the obi cutting off every sensation (except for pain). Christopher's challenge was of a different nature: he had to walk in wooden platform geta while serving as porter and photographer to all the ladies.

The Fireworks Festival in Kasaoka was rather impressive, with 40 000 people coming from nearby towns to take part. What I enjoyed most was admiring the hundreds of different yukata patterns and hearing the click click click of wooden geta on the pavement. As foreigners, we mostly attracted curious stares and the occasional point. I will tell myself it was because we looked so beautiful.

Not to be performed in yukata: eating, drinking of any kind, urinating, opera arias.

Simple Twist of Fate

2006-07-25T11:54:00.000+09:00

We finally got off our butts and booked a flight to Indonesia. After hmmming and hawwwing between Bali, Borneo and Sumatra, we settled on Bali and Lombok. And wouldn`t you know it, 24 hours later, the Orangutan Health Project in Sumatra finally responded to our queries about volunteering on the program. Gahhhhh! I guess some things are just not meant to be.
...or are they? Turns out, there are a couple of cheap and easy flights we can catch to make it to Medan for the August expedition. After three weeks of ironing out the many wrinkles we have decided to do it. We just sent in our forms and have started training (I can do 50 sit-ups and 5 push-ups!) The ball is rolling, folks.

Check out the project.

Dress Up

2006-07-22T10:22:00.000+09:00

Georgina and I try on summer yukata for the fireworks festival. We refuse the ugly selection of "tall girl" sizes and opt for a three quarter length sleeve instead. Also purchased: traditional wooden geta for Christopher (Japan's answer to Dutch wooden clogs). I'll be able to hear him coming!

Later at the bar, Dan dresses up like someone's grandmother. That's what they get for running a clothing store by day and a watering hole by night!

?

2006-07-21T15:17:00.000+09:00

"At the side of the everlasting why,

there is a YES! and a YES! and a YES!!!"

The Ugly Stick

2006-07-18T11:40:00.000+09:00

Mammoth mouth-breather Miyabiyama defeats Hakuho in an upset victory Monday. In related news, The Sumo Association receives petition demanding the wrestler wear a bra.

Other disappointments: Dumb brute Baruto manhandles Kotooushu out of the ring.

Long Weekend

2006-07-17T18:33:00.000+09:00

The Plan: camping on Mayajima island.

Materials: 2 Dahon folding bikes, 1 imported Canadian tent, beer, snacks, 2 silk sleeping bags, sunscreen, deodorant, toilet paper.

Wardrobe: clean t-shirt, shorts, trainers.

The Reality: intermittent thunderstorms, flat tire, oversleeping, impromptu dinner party, 8 consecutive hours of movie viewing, afternoon boozing, sumo upsets.

Materials: 2 granny bikes w. baskets, 7-Eleven, 24-hour video store, 1 gas burner, beer, wine, sake, rum, ouzo (ouch-o), Brad and Alicia.

Wardrobe: pajamas and/or underwear

This is your captain speaking

2006-07-16T09:56:00.000+09:00

It’s hard to believe that it has been one year since I turned in my wings, retired the heels and said sayonara to my friends and family. Life on the ground has been more agreeable than I would have imagined and I have even come to (gasp) like the M-F routine. A ringing phone no longer punctuates the night with the following one-sided conversation: Congratulations! You’ve won a trip to [shitty destination]. Check-in is in two hours. Click.

But changing horses in midstream comes with its own set of challenges. At times I feel like a giant fraud, making it up as I go along. The time I spent earning my degrees is like a hazy cloud in my head after a night of binge drinking. Did I really do that? Yes, you did. That was you. So why am I left feeling so inadequate and ill equipped? And then again, does it really matter? I’d rather be a fraud than a chicken shit. Like my uncle Dennis sneaking into the swimming pool at The Plaza, I’ll just strut my stuff until someone says: “hey, what the f*ck do you think you’re doing?” And then run like hell…

The year in retrospect has been good for me. My face looks the same in the mirror but I know that I have changed in sublte ways that even elude myself. The education system in Japan is tragically flawed but I have shifted my focus to more important things, namely, motivating students and spreading an enthusiasm for, well, everything. I've sacrificed my dignity playing air guitar in class, dressing up my boys in drag, and the crowning moment: belting out On Top of the World with the Brass Band backing me up. It's the cumulative day-to-day moments with my kids that have made me reach for a pen and sign up for another year. Unlike the nameless passengers being chauffered between Point A and B, I'm met with bright and expectant faces every day. It gets me out of bed in the morning…without so much as a phone call.

Sometimes you have to take a giant wrecking ball to your life and put it back together the way you want it. The change has done me good. Cruising at a different altitude, it’s now my turn to relax, sit back, and enjoy the ride.

before:
after:

Lacroix sweetie, Lacroix.

2006-07-14T14:21:00.000+09:00

This afternoon I was perusing a friend's blog. As I scrolled down to check out the new design I noticed her links and started clicking away. One link was entitled: Keeping Import Wine Sales High. Intrigued, I clicked, only to be directed to my own blog. Very amusing. I guess at times the blog can read like a night out with Eddy and Patsy. On that note, here is your quote of the week, sweeties:

"The last mosquito that bit me had to check in to The Betty Ford Clinic".

Recipe

2006-07-09T22:01:00.000+09:00

Ingredients:

one large booth
20 JETs
3 JTEs
20,000 song titles
100 conbini beers
2 microphones

And voila!

You have a Saturday night!

Ready for this?

Beer is my boyfriend.

Divinyls Duet. When I Think About You I Touch Myself...

Like I said...

Everybody loves a Scottish lass! And I will drink five hundred beers and I will drink five hundred more... DADADADADADA!

Demure Patrique is not immune to the feminine charms of: Irene Cara, Beyonce, Bonnie Tyler and Julia. (I have a secret theory that Patrique is really a vampire. He aroused suspicion yet again with his karaoke selection: Fame! I`m gonna live forever...coincidence?)

The King of Karaoke: the best songster this town has ever seen.

I smell a Styx song coming on...could it be the shirt?

Awwww.

be gentle with me

2006-07-08T15:56:00.000+09:00

Can't stop listening to this song. Click watch video.

Happy now? Yeah, me too.
You're welcome.

The Daytripper

2006-07-07T21:50:00.000+09:00

We have a date today, the city and I. You'll pick me up bright and early, right? You remember the place: the old basement apartment on Shaw, precariously straddling the border of Little Italy and Portugal. That's right, the red brick house across from the park with the leaky faucet and futon shaped like a hotdog bun (another story, that one). Antonio, the landlord will likely be outside giving the lawn a crew cut. You can't miss him. He'll be wearing his khaki shorts, navy pull-up socks and sandals. He'll force a smile but hawk eye you as you approach the house, thinking that you're also in need of a haircut. For the love of god, don't step on the man's grass. And don't be late...

So what do you want to do first? It's such a beautiful day, I suggest we cut down to Crawford and admire some of the Edwardian homes. I love these old maple lined streets. Hey, doesn't Daniel Richler live in that one? No, I think he moved awhile back. But Broken Social Scene still jams around here in one of these old monsters. Come on now, keep up.

We're approaching Dundas street. I see a familiar red streetcar flash by, accelerating and emitting sparks. I sigh deeply. We come to the intersection and I point out where Miss Nix used to live before we lost her to the burbs (she'll soon return to Liberty Village) We wait for the light to change, and observe the metamorphosis that has taken place on the once sketchy street. Gone is the sad succession of boarded up shops. You are quick to point out how they've been replaced by the flirty Skirt and Clandestino, as well as a recently renovated Cafe Brasiliano. And let's not forget our favourite hang out, The Communist's Daughter. Ah yes, we'll come back to that one later...it deserves its own post.
I know what C would call all this: gentrification. But it's just so much easier on the eye than the crack houses of old, don't you think?

But enough about Dundas. Especially when the green oasis of Trinity Park lies before us. Let's take a stroll through it! Oh, how I've missed you! Hey, look! A cop on horseback! What's he thinking walking past the Dog Park? Look at the terriers going freaking bananas--hilarious.

Do you remember this spot? Last summer we congregated here and stretched out on blankets under a starry night sky. I was in charge of mixing the gin and tonics and made them too strong. That's where Carine passed out. I wonder what she's up to today...maybe she can meet us!

I have a hankering for something sweet now. How about a caffe latte and a decadent pain au chocolat from Clafouti, the best French bakery in the city? Mais pourquoi pas? No, we don't need a bag for those. They are going straight into our mouths. And, since this is a fantasy and all, let's eat six a piece, okay? Moving on (we have to work off that pound of butter).

Next destination: Kensington Market. The fridge is empty, after all. We must stop and pick up some organic veggies from Potts. What's he got today? Oh my god, that kale is enormous! And there he is, singing along to Al Green and cooking up his own stew which he will generously share with any takers. I could stay here all day shooting the shit with this man. I lurve you, Potts!

You look at your watch and I shoot you a dirty one. How dare you rush me! But you remind me how much left there is to do today--if I am to be satisfied. Time for breakfast. What will it be? The patio at Musa with the delightfully surly wait staff? Our usual scrambled egg crepe with hollandaise at Boom? Healthy organic scrambled eggs and organic salad at Luna? Um, no. I think what I want is Cafe Brasiliano Eggs Florentine. Let's hurry so we can snag a booth!

Stay tuned for the next nostalgia-induced Hog Town Visit...

Nostalgia-Helpers:

Almost Summer-Jason Collett
Hangover Days - Jason Collett
Hell, that whole album (Idols of Exile)
Friends Forever - Old 97s
Away - Kathleen Edwards
Strawberry Blonde - Ron Sexsmith
Northern Wish - Rheostatics
Mushaboom - Feist

2006-07-06T11:05:00.000+09:00

-Oh, bite the weenie, Riz.

-With relish...

Hot Diggidy Dog

2006-07-05T09:32:00.000+09:00

Takeru Kobayashi: Still the Hot Dog Eating Champion Of the World

The 130 lb lightweight from Nagano does it again!

Who says Japan has no celebrities?

my new favourite snack

2006-07-03T15:17:00.000+09:00

Introducing:

Special Edition "Gas Pedal" Doritos
For crotch-kickin good times

Also for a limited time:

Special Edition "Pervy Stares" Doritos
Have you been ogled yet today?

Sayonara Memories

2006-07-03T09:15:00.000+09:00

Our camera died at the Naoshima Sayonara party so there is not one shred of physical evidence that it even took place.
So apparently, I did NOT sing Like A Virgin in my sultry Madonna karaoke voice accompanied by rude girations and orgasmic breathing. Also, C did NOT win a drinking contest with himself and wrestle all the men in the room. There most certainly was no "Running Man" dance-off, nor did England really lose to Portugal. Let`s NOT do it again next year, kay?

Sayonara to all those who are leaving us. You will be missed.

options

2006-07-03T09:03:00.000+09:00

or lack thereof...

Now playing in Kurashiki.

I wish this was coming. Or better yet, this.

This looks gawd-awful.

fair fight

2006-07-03T08:49:00.000+09:00

a good race to watch

2006-06-29T00:07:00.000+09:00

"Do you do everything you're told? Oh God...you do."

Memos I Wrote Today...

2006-06-28T22:08:00.000+09:00

DEAR TEACHER WHO APPROACHED ME ALL OF 10 SECONDS BEFORE CLASS AND ASKED IF I HAD ANY IDEAS FOR A LESSON PLAN,

Tired of saving your ass,

Sarah

DEAR TEACHER WHO LAUGHED WHEN A STUDENT CALLED ME "THE BIG CHEST",

Getting it off my big chest,

Sarah

The Best Thing I've Seen This Month

2006-06-28T21:54:00.000+09:00

WATCH THIS NOW

Make sure you give it a few minutes to load. Gotta love the Japanese blatant disregard for public safety...anything for a laugh!

Brought to you by our sponsors, Jane and Shannon.

Insane Practical Jokes

Insane Practical Jokes Part II

Chipotle Potato Ensalada

2006-06-27T22:57:00.000+09:00

A bomb went off in the kitchen tonight but that's pretty normal. What did emerge from the debris was a new recipe for vegan potato salad--Mexi styles. I thought I would share it with you while it's still fresh in my head, and in my fridge.

Ingredients:

8 smallish potatoes, boiled and cubed
I cup green beans, cut lengthwise into thirds and boiled
1 small red onion, chopped
1/2 red pepper, chopped
handful pine nuts (optional)

the dressing:

one "scoop" of Nayonnaise (soy mayonnaise)
1 Tbsp chipotle puree
1 Tbsp stoneground mustard
salt and pepper to taste
stir above ingredients together and mix into salad (add more nayo if desired.)

Garnish with avocado slices!

helpful hints:
-to make potato salad creamier, stir in some cubed melt-in-your-mouth avocado. But only for immediate consumption.
-to add protein, mix in small cubes of firm tofu.
-don't overcook the potatoes, green beans. Rinse with lots of cold water to stop cooking process.

EVERYBODY should keep chipotle puree in their fridge. To make it, just throw a can of chipotle peppers in "adobo" sauce into the blender and mix. Keep in a container for up to 3 months. This wonder condiment can be stirred into ketchup for added spice, scrambled eggs, chili, salad dressing, and so much more. It is one of my ESSENTIALS.

God, it must be a dull week if I`m posting recipes on the blog. Maybe I should post some nekkid pics to spice it up a bit. Dad, would you mind?

Takin' Care of Business

2006-06-22T21:18:00.000+09:00

C and I went on a business trip to Kobe at the end of May. You know, the usual: closing big deals, hostile takeovers, sitting at ridiculously long boardroom tables, lap dances for the boss. Oh, wait that didn't happen.

I can't say I really learned anything new from the workshops I attended (except Rachel's, which inspired us to do some volunteering this summer in Indonesia!) but I did diligently "network" with my associates. And all on the company dime...

business can only get done in swank hotels

My associates

They really should give us a raise. We pulled an all-nighter.
Thankless job.

ps I know it's probably the angle of the camera and perspective and all that but it has just come to my attention that I have GINORMOUS HANDS. It looks like I could do some serious man-handling with those paws. Yikes.

I must say, this ad at Kobe station does nothing for the already low self-esteem of Japanese men...(if only he had hands like mine)

It wouldn't be Kobe without the...boeuf. No thanks, we'll pass.

2006-06-21T23:06:00.000+09:00

-Sweet love, renew thy force.

-Don't say shit like that to me. People can hear you.

Murakami Sensei is building a shrine of miniatures

2006-06-21T15:56:00.000+09:00

...on my desk. Here is an aerial view of the latest ensemble to appear on top of my work space. It is so tiny. The box is about the length of my index finger. Curious.

The World's smallest buzz

Japanese tea anyone?

We have Chinese tea, if you prefer.

Hungry? Can I tempt you with suckling pig?

Daddy's Girl

2006-06-17T21:45:00.000+09:00

Dear Dad,

It's Father's Day today. Sadly, I cannot be there with you in the flesh to throw my arms around you, share a beer and whip your ass at euchre. I really miss spending time with you, Dad. You are truly one of a kind. A perfect blend of serious and goofball. Okay, maybe one part serious, two parts goofball.
In my nearly 30 years, you have always been a great Dad: loving, generous, wise, sensitive, gentle, hilarious and spontaneous. On Father's Day, I always have much to celebrate and much to be thankful for. I am truly blessed to have you in my life.

Thank you, Dad

...for saying "I love you" every day

...for your famous expressions over the years

-Oh my garage!
-I'm so hungry, I could eat the asshole out of teddy bear!
-Don't sweat the small stuff!

...for not giving a rip what other people think

...for getting up to so much mischief

...for teaching me the art of ordering in a restaurant
-What are you known for?
-Does that come with a pilaf?
(you do realize that I now order for Christopher in precisely the same manner..."my husband will have a beer...")

...for your spontaneity. Even after an 80 hour work week, you would muster the energy and say:

-Who wants to go to a show tonight?
-How about a game of Crazy 8s?
-Grab your coat, let's go for Dairy Queen

...for giving me room to grow

...for letting me make my own choices

...for giving me my own bathroom

...for your impeccable taste in women

...for making me stick with piano lessons

...for loving me enough to let me make my way in the world

Dad, thank you most of all for always being yourself.

I love you and miss you terribly.

Giant bear hugs and kisses,

Sabby

2006-06-15T22:37:00.000+09:00

-Have you ever transcended space and time?

-Yes. No. Uhh, time, not space...No, I don't know what you're talking about.

fukiya

2006-06-14T22:54:00.000+09:00

Last Friday we headed up to the quiet mountain town of Fukiya. Fumbling with our knapsacks and giant baguettes, we hopped a train for Takahashi and then a bus up the winding, nausea- inducing roads to Fukiya. Our partners in crime were Brad and Alicia, our nearest and dearest friends here in Japan. We settled into the International Villa for two glorious nights. Here is what we got up to...

Our little spread. I know, I know. There is more booze than food. But you know us well enough by now. This is how we roll...

The International Villa.

Fellow Occupants

Having been forewarned, we arrived at the villa armed with enough insecticde to go on a mukade killing rampage. As it turned out, hard cover children's books were more adept at killing the little suckers. Cheers to C for not shrieking like a little girl when he found one on a towel. Cheers to A for finishing him off. As for my part, I provided a soundtrack of dry heaves (sorry guys)

For more mukade horror stories, see this post

Violence! Stabbings! Poison! Murder!

Bustling Downtown Fukiya.

C calls my footwear "apalling". He directed the laser death stare at my feet all weekend. Personally, this style is kind of growing on me (an intervention may be required. Have I been in Japan too long?)

Around the town...

And the countryside...

Here, we happened upon this GIANT SLIDE. At first glance, we thought it would be hilarious if we all chugged up the hill and went down it. The rust should have been the first red flag. The spider webs should have been the second. But no, we were well on our way down before we realized the slide was not meant for direct ass on slide contact. The slide itself was made up of metal rollers, generating an incredibly hot electric charge as we gained speed. Hilarious it wasn't. I almost burned a hole through my jeans. And I can still hear the screaming...

Sneaking up on C. Let's see if he'll submit to a photo shoot...

Apparently, not. I've seen this look before...right before he calls me a real "piece of work".

I quietly retreat and leave my man in peace. I trip off down the lane in search of less hostile subjects for my camera.

Back by popular demand, the yukata photo shoot. We are now compiling a collection of karate kid poses with all willing participants. These are featuring Brad and Alicia. I love the VanDam kick, A! No, C and I are not salsa dancing. Apparently it's a judo move.

Here we are about to enter an old mine shaft. At one point, A remarked: I hope there`s no sudden earthquake! Fast forward 18 hours: we get our sudden earthquake!!!

And speaking of shafts, In the middle of a bamboo forest, we came upon...

A fertility shrine?! Very curious.
C was vehemently opposed to my suggestion that we all "get on it" and have a photo shoot. Remind me to thank him one day...

Today's Confession

2006-06-14T20:49:00.000+09:00

I bought a VHS copy of Police Academy for 100 yen today. I'm going to rot in screwball hell.

bouncing around the room

2006-06-12T08:13:00.000+09:00

Breaking news...

This morning we woke up at 5am. It was not the alarm clock or the telephone ringing or Gianni barking that made us yell "Sweet Jesus! What the [DELETED] is that???", but rather the mad shaking of the entire room and its contents, us included. Yep, you guessed it. This morning C and I experienced our very first earthquake. We now know that the pair of us are utterly useless in the face of an emergency. We kind of just laid there wide eyed and paralyzed....and then rolled over and went back to sleep.

pay attention to me

2006-06-09T11:46:00.000+09:00

Life is hard when you`re a celebrity. I really should get a PR firm to handle my engagements. And a body guard to protect me from the hoards of kids, screaming: I`M FINE THANK YOU, AND YOU?

Here is yet another example of unwarranted fame as a gaijin. But it`s an easy gig. I just have to sit there and look foreign.

dining gaijin cause a sensation

2006-06-08T18:09:00.000+09:00

"I'm a temp. But that's not, like, a permanent thing."

A conversation I had...

2006-06-06T23:51:00.000+09:00

-So you're a vegetarian?
-That's right.
-But aren't you hungry all the time?
-Ummmmm, no. I do okay.

I get paid to do this

2006-06-06T13:24:00.000+09:00

Ahh, the hilarity continues in Oral Communication class. Try stifling laughter through these introductions:

Good morning, class. I would like to introduce Ando. Ando is most interested in money. His favorite proverb is `Money is a great traveler of the world`. He is blinded by money. He also likes basketball. Thank you, that`s all.

Hello everybody. This is Satoshi. Satoshi lives in Kurashiki. He likes soccer. He is a very good player. Satoshi has many friends. Satoshi is handsome and cool and fresh. He has many girlfriends. So, I respect him. This story is non-fiction.

Hello. This is Daisuke. He is very clever with his hands. For example, when he writes he uses a very small pencil. Thank you, that`s all.

Weekend Discoveries

2006-06-04T18:37:00.000+09:00

Okayama wine is not fit for human consumption, even for an indiscriminate palate such as mine

Bowling alleys are dry in Japan (why we stayed for only one game) I had one strike and a bazillion gutter balls. I'm better when I'm on the bottle...

saucy and glossy are we...

Rock Lobster is like, THE BEST karaoke song ever

Choose karaoke songs wisely when with under 25 crowd. (How can anyone HAVE NEVER HEARD OF FOOTLOOSE??) Totally beyond me. Kids.

2006-06-04T01:06:00.000+09:00

"I told those f*cks down at the league office a thousand times that I don't roll on Shabbos!"

My Mother In-Law Got Me Addicted To Crack

2006-06-03T15:22:00.000+09:00

Or so I will tell Jerry when I describe my sad demise into addiction hell. My needle: the pencil. My drug: Sudoku. They should have stopped Trudy at customs with her innoucuous book of seemingly harmless "puzzles".

I will conquer this. I have told Christopher to:

hide all pencils
feed other addictionslike I said

Let's Introduce Our Friends!

2006-06-01T15:05:00.000+09:00

This week at school we are introducing our friends. Rather than give students the tired fill in the blanks worksheet, I decided to give them full creative control over their scripts. Enjoy these little gems they came up with:

"Hello boys and girls. This is my friend Kosuke. He comes to school by bicycle. Kosuke's favorite girl is Megumi. Kosuke's favorite body part is the chest. Thank you."

"Hello everyone! How are you today? This is my friend Suzuki. Suzuki`s favorite sport is karate. He practices twice a week. Suzuki`s dream is to pass math and not to become homeless. Thank you

This from just one of my 7 classes. I'll be sure to add more next week!

The Visit

2006-05-23T20:38:00.000+09:00

now updated!

Merv and Trudy are bound for Canada. It has been an extraordinary month of travel, discovery, indulgence, laughing, bonding and sitting cross-legged. What makes this visit especially meaningful is that our reality has opened up before them. We no longer feel isolated in our experience here. They courageously placed themselves within this new context--a place from which they can relate to us and from which our time here can be validated and appreciated. What`s more, through Merv and Trudy we have learned to see Japan with wondrous eyes again. They showed us that what we are doing here is, in fact, amazing.

Shiraishi Island

On April 29 we packed up for Golden Week. First stop: Shiraishi island. After a hearty breakfast and hilarious episode of Wiretap we set off. Our bags weighed a ton, due in large part to the 4 bottles of wine we insisted were necessary to celebrate C’s 30th that night. Catching the train and ferry was a breeze and before we knew it we were traipsing up the steps to the villa. It was too much to ask to have the place to ourselves but our housemates were pleasant.
We arrived at around two and cracked a bottle of wine to inaugurate our vacation. We stretched out on teak lawn chairs and gazed at the ocean below. As we inhaled the warm salty air, we declared in unison: It doesn’t get much better than this!

What we didn’t get a photo of:
On the ferry ride to the island, we witnessed two sketchy yakuza types devour a bucket of KFC with CHOPSTICKS! Guess in Japan, it's not finger-licking good.

Shiraishi Villa

hike: ass kicking. view: kick ass.

happy hikers

the last of the blossoms

The Birthday Party

The bottles consumed

Moving On To Kotohira

This is the family-run ryokan we stayed in. Lovely setting, right on the river. My only complaint was the pillow filled with lego. Other than that, quite comfortable.

Group shot (imagine me in that space) on the water.

Merv gearing up for "The Birthday Party, the sequel".

Karate Kids

Nothing like a little ryokan hijinx after a couple glasses of wine. In this case, it's the yukata photo shoot, a must for Japan.

from the archives...

Kotohira-san Shrine

Bright and early we made our way up the 783 steps to the famous shrine of Kotohira-san. This shirne is dedicated to the Guardian of Mariners and a visit will ensure a safe voyage for all travelers and pilgrims (tell that to me in the rental car later). Here we are washing our hands to make us worthy um, to not enter. Entrance is denied to foreigners at the top but we were invited to drink vending machine coffee and view the city below.

not photographed: parents dragging whimpering three-year olds up the nearly 800 step climb. (BTW, the one-two-three-weeeeee makes a kid's arm pop out of the socket after two hundred steps) Other missed opportunities: the girl who climbed in stilettos and the man who climbed in a three piece black suit and tie. Are they [DELETED] insane?

The heat is getting to me. I need to buy a Japanese parasol which I will twirl girlishly for the next few days. In 96 hours, I will leave it behind on the train. 120 hours later, I will reclaim it at a Lost and Found in Tokushima and declare the Japanese the most honest people on the planet.

Kabuki Theatre (restored to its former glory)

Iya Valley

Haiku:

rental car, road winds
mom chats up snack bar hostess
vine bridge, don't look down

On Monday we picked up the car at Awa Ikeda station. I cranked a beer on the train to settle my nerves and to also get out of ever having to sit in the driver's seat. C was up to the task and after a few shaky turns was ruler of the road again.

...until this freaking bus rounded a narrow corner and came barelling towards us at top speed.
What I said: It's okay, sweetie, just back it up and let him go by.
What I thought: Yeah, I know this part. It's where we all die!!!

We stayed at a three hundred year old farm house in the Iya Valley. The project is called Chiiori and is run by volunteers (code word for hippies). Staying here was a highlight of Golden Week for us. It was relaxed, quiet and surrounded by unimaginable beauty--the stars at night were unbelievable! On Monday evening we all piled into cars and made our way down the windy mountain roads to the local onsen (hot springs). Here, we bathed in outdoor baths and soaked in mineral pools under the night sky. In other words, we all got nekkid together!

Boys Day Flags

The farmhouse

woodpile (Merv's shot--nice one)

Christmas Card shot

Inside the tatami room

The vegetarian takes over...

good eats (if I do say so myself)

setting up for bed

Tuesday we drove out to the vine bridges. The drizzly weather was perfect for such an outing. It made the bridges that much more slippery for maximum thrills. Also, others stayed away. We had them all to ourselves!

Tokushima

After roughing it in Iya, we opted for a little swank. C made a fantastic find in the Sun Route Hotel. It was brand spanking new and featured flat screened televisions with internet, comfy beds and funky designs. Oh, and the hot water was a welcome ammenity after Chiiroi.

view from hotel room

Bored? Have an artsy photo shoot at swank hotel.

Some celebrities we saw in our travels:

We found this familiar face in Tokushima. He had an entire bar dedicated to him, called simply "Dylan". Well, had we known Bob was such a cheapskate, we would never have visited him. He charged us ten dollars for a bottle of beer! But if you see him, you should say hello...

Colonel Samurai

The ubiquitous Wanted Man. Waiting to welcome you at every station.

The Age of Enlightenment

Scattered across the island of Shikoku are 88 sacred Buddhist temples. This is the oldest pilgrimmage in Japan, dating back 1000 years. A guidebook for pilgrims was even published as early as 1685. A serious pilgrim, or "henro" will walk to all 88 temples to complete a circle in the search for enlightenment. Along the path, each pilgrim must abstain from meat (easy), alcohol (hard) and pray to the great Buddhist saint, Kobo Daishi (incidentally, the saint who founded one of the few sects of Buddhism that believe enlightenment can be achieved in a lifetime).
Nowadays, most pilgrims take Air Con buses to the 88 temples and need only take a week off work to get back on Monday enlightened. But there are still a few brave souls willing to take the time to walk or cycle. Check out this blog by our friends Ashley and Neil. They biked the 88 temples for charity during Golden Week. For more pics, click on their individual blogs.

88 Temples Blog

As for us lot, we decided to walk in the footsteps of Kobo Daishi...for a day. We walked to the first 3 temples on the path, accumulating about 10-12 kilometres worth of enlightenment. But our daily input of zen was eaten up when we missed the train back to Tokushima by a hair and had to wait with Wanted Man at a station on the milk run. Gahhh!

Pilgrim costume. Available for purchase at the gift shop.

Merv brilliantly captures our faces as we realize another train will not be coming for close to two hours.

pissy pilgrims

Kibi Bike Tour

We rented bikes and rode across the Kibi plain, visiting shrines and temples at our leisure. To reward ourselves at the end of the day, we made reservations for the wonderful Kinki restaurant. Here they serve Buddhist Temple food, a vegetarian's dream. Some of the culinary delights included boiled tofu with enoki mushrooms, konyaku, pickled daikon, miso soup, and steamed greens. I'm sorry. I know I'm making you all salivate.

Kingers and Karaoke

This was such a fun night. Merv and Trudy said they would only stay for fifteen minutes. Two hours and a million beers later, we were still hammering out tunes.

Merv and Christopher rip into a little Johnny Cash. Because you're mine...I WALK THE LINE!

This is our friend Dan. He likes to sing Rick Springfield. Did you know that Jesse's Girl has...

FOUR guitar solos.

And the rock star point.

Rene was HILARIOUS. This was 8 minutes of him yelling: GET UP! I AM A SEX MACHINE!

Himeji Castle

Happy Mother's Day!

School Visit

Memos I Wrote Today...

2006-05-23T20:08:00.000+09:00

Dear Sarah,

In future, please do not eat arugula pesto spaghetti for breakfast. It took 20 minutes to floss the nasty green bits from your teeth.

See to it,

Sarah

******************************************************************

Dear Teacher Who Signed Me Up For Badminton,

I can't even keep a straight face when you say shuttlecock, let alone get one over the net.

Making you look good,

Sarah

******************************************************************

Dear Teacher Who Brushes Her Teeth While Marking And Collating Exams,

I'm sorry, but nobody can be that busy. Save your multi-tasking theatrics, I'm not really impressed. I'm only hawk-eyeing you to make sure you don't spit in the staple drawer.

Show off,

Sarah

Monday

2006-05-22T11:02:00.000+09:00

...annoyances

-arrived at school with sweat moustache--now part of permanent summer uniform. (pools in bra to be added next month)

-executed quadruple sneeze during morning meeting

-listened to muzak version of "Let's Hear It For The Boy" at Marunaka and am currently still humming it

Weekend:

2006-05-21T13:01:00.000+09:00

Victories

- M and T pack 4 suitcases successfully
-S buys two summer skirts that miraculously fit her big gaijin booty
-S and T find THE SWEETEST present for Lil' Miss O's birthday
-M/T and C/S scarf 5 pizzas at La Cenetta
-S and C stumble upon open air market and score cilantro and arugula
-S makes roasted sweet potato enchiladas and guacamole
-C cleans up her mess

Disappointments

-C and S watch the shinkansen pull away with M and T on board
-C and S faced with major house clean because of month long neglect
-last day of sumo

2006-05-18T22:22:00.000+09:00

"You want tact, call a tactician. You want an ass nailed, you come see Gus Petch".

the squid and the quail

2006-05-15T15:05:00.000+09:00

Last night I had a casual office party with the English department. Typically, dining out can be a problem for this herbivore but the teacher in charge kindly offered to call over to the restaurant and make special arrangements. When she asked if I ate fish, I pondered it for a minute before responding that yes, "a little fish is okay". Little did I know that with this phrase I was sealing my fate...

One would assume that an Italian restaurant is relatively safe for vegetarians. The ubiquitous tomato comes to mind. And what about eggplants, mushroom risotto, fragrant pesto? But as the first course was served, I began to assess my closest exit. A plate of sashimi drizzled with pesto was placed in front of me. There was a raw looking shrimp staring back at me on the plate. A colleague assured me that no, it was not a shrimp, but rather: "a shrimp's cousin". Then she giggled.

As I carved my way through the rawness with fork and knife, I mentally asked my guru for a new mantra. "Just get it down" immediately came to mind. At one point, I was complimented on my "dainty" eating. "Just like a surgeon", one colleague remarked.
When it was over, I relaxed somewhat; chased it with a little red wine. To be fair, I'm aquirirng a taste for raw fish. It's just the raw scallop and shrimp's cousin I had difficulty with.

The second course appeared a little more appetizing. At first glance I thought it was a blend of sauteed mushrooms with pasta--yummy. I imagined they were very juicy mushrooms because the pasta was drowning in their thick black liquid. As I brought a giant spoonful to my lips I tasted something quite unexpected. The dark black liquid was not the juice of mushrooms. Surprise! It`s SQUID INK!!! And the mushroom medley? Surprise! I`m chewing on RAW PIECES OF SQUID!
My palate was in shock. I'd been tricked. I felt violated. I gazed around at my co-workers sucking up the pasta. Black ink stained the corners of their mouths, their teeth, their chins. They looked like vacant zombies devouring a nameless victim. I dabbed at my own mouth with a napkin and to my horror, came away with black stains. Obsessively, I tried to rid myself of all evidence.

It all went downhill from there. The next course involved giant crab legs. And the main course was whole, greasy quail that looked like something a cat had dragged home and put on a plate. Because I was a "vegetarian" I was exempt from eating the quail. Instead, a giant slab of grilled salmon with a fried egg on top was placed before me. As I picked up my fork and knife for the last round, I shook my head, and thought: Hey George, the ocean called. They're running out of fish.

go go kurasho!

2006-05-14T23:41:00.000+09:00

What can I say? I was pleasantly surprised by Sports Day. It turned out to be a special match against Okayama Higashi High. There was even a Brass Band face off. The tradition dates back more than 50 years. It has been over a decade since Kurasho took home honours but we had high hopes and anticipated a win. I opted to watch the kendo club compete. It was a fantastic battle and our girls came out on top!!! The final outcome was close. We lost by a hair but went down with a fight!

2006-05-12T11:23:00.000+09:00

-Make me!

-I don't make monkeys, I just train em'!!

2006-05-08T22:30:00.000+09:00

It's Sports Day tomorrow. I think I'll throw on some tight jeans to get out of the 100 metre dash. I don't really like to sweat; least of all in front of colleagues and students who already look at me like a giant sasquatch. I will not satisfy their perverse curiosity by bouncing my C cups down the track like Bo Derek on the beach.
It has suddenly grown very hot and humid. Summer, full throttle. I realized last year that Tom's of Maine wasn't going to cut it through the humidity of Japan. My giant pit stains weren't making me any friends. Neither was my poodle hairdo. Time to pin the bangs back before my old nickname finds me again. No, I will not reveal it. But Leslie Lane can take the credit of coining it on that humid trip to Florida in 1987. Names will never hurt me, eh?

maybe sparrow

2006-05-05T22:56:00.000+09:00

loving this song

watch and listen

The Merv and Trudy Show

2006-05-04T18:38:00.000+09:00

Right now I`m dressed in yukata and have a towel knotted around my head. A big glass of wine in hand, I`m unwinding after a long day of pilgrimming on foot around Tokushima. The blog is on hiatus this week but I thought I would let you all know. The Merv and Trudy show is currently sweeping across Japan with huge success. No pens have been brandished (it`s not that kind of party) but we have experienced some curious incidents. In fact, this week I will replace a movie quote with some juicy dialogue from Sunday evening...

S: I swear, I thought that bar looked legit.

C: Me too. But I got a creepy vibe as soon as we walked in.

T: Yeah, and when that painted hostess squeezed in next to me I knew we had a problem.

S: Do you think it`ll be okay? I mean, we ran out on the bill. What did she say when we bolted?

C: Um, she said her brother ran the town. And I don`t think she meant he`s the mayor...

2006-04-27T20:20:00.000+09:00

"Now you take that diaper off your head and put it back on your sister!"

Dirty Thirty

2006-04-23T22:33:00.000+09:00

In recent news: A man identified simply as "that bearded gaijin" was spotted making a 7-11 run on a hot new bicylce. When questioned by authorities, the man claimed the bicycle was a gift from his doting wife. After further investigation, authorities confirmed that the bicylce had indeed been a gift for (gasp) his upcoming thirtieth birthday...

Behold, the Helios Folding Bike:

bicycle accessories still available for purchase (and other gift ideas):

bib shorts: essential for the cycle lover or weight curler...I wonder if C would consider a handlebar moustache...

soothing cream for those long commutes

His wife interprets "those toe socks are so creepy" as code for "Please buy me a pair"

Nothing says young and groovy like J Pop.

Part II: Party Planning

I'm thinking of hiring these guys to pass around hors d'hoeuvres and administer spanks...

2006-04-20T11:14:00.000+09:00

Don't tell anyone you don't own Blonde on Blonde.
It's gonna be okay.

The Good Old Days

2006-04-19T22:22:00.000+09:00

Miss Vix sent me this invitation. My former colleagues at AC will be dressing up in vintage stewardess uniforms courtesy of Cabaret on Queen Street.

Sigh.

Truth be told, I miss the glamour. I miss the clean white sheets, the room service, the champagne. I miss the clicking of sexy high heels through the airport and being whisked off in cars with tinted windows. Oh, hang on a minute...I'm being interrupted by another memory:

-Excuse me, Miss. Where is my vegetarian meal?
-Um, well...you see, your name is not on this list. Chicken or beef?
-But I'm a vegetarian. I booked this flight six years ago through my travel agent.
-I'm sorry. How about another stale bun? A stiff drink perhaps?
-I hate your [DELETED] airline.
-I'll be sure to pass along your comments.
-Oh, just [DELETED] right off. And tell Robert Milton he can [DELETED] my [DELETED].

But I would do 12 Montreal rapidairs in a row just to hang out with my girls and wear a pillbox hat and pumps. Have a dirty one on me, ladies. (martini, that is)

cherry blasters

2006-04-13T18:39:00.000+09:00

Spring has sprung and it's a spectacular blast of blossoms, fragrant breezes and merrymaking under the stars. Typically, spring has always been my least favourite of the seasons, associated with the smell of thawing dog poop.
Not so here! (the dogs are toted around in purses and the ground doesn't freeze)

Here we are drinking in the blossoms and pink sake on the grounds of Miyamakoen park in Tamano.

2006-04-13T14:59:00.000+09:00

"You know what's gonna happen to you? I am gonna march you over to the zoo and feed you to the yak."

numb and number

2006-04-10T12:04:00.000+09:00

Today is the first day of school. Unlike my own childhood, the students here don`t get to parade around in new outfits their moms bought them or show off a Miss Piggy lunch box featuring the coveted chocolate Wagon Wheel. There is no raiding of the supply closet and divying out classic, Pink Pearl erasers and full size pencils free of teeth marks. And there are definitely no spanking fresh notebooks with spines to crack.
Like everything else, things are done a little differently here. Instead, students arrive promptly at eight-thirty and get to clean the school. After sweeping and scrubbing toilets they head to the gym for Opening Ceremonies. At the end of it all, students are about as geared up for school as they are for a root canal--at least from where I`m standing...

9:30 Observe students filing into the gym in that orderly fashion reminiscent of Hitler youth.

9:35 Stand at attention and listen to principal drone in some other language.

9:41 Curse poor circulation

9:50 Tune in to droning principal as he introduces ten new teachers. Try to catch names. Conclude that one of them is named Ken.

9:59 Stand by helplessly as female student collapses and is carried out by teachers.

10:05 Indulge in ridiculous fantasies involving streaking on rollerskates with a cream pie in each hand. Targets: the droning principal and his nefarious cohort, also known as the VP.

10:09 Lose all sensation below the waist. Curse poor circulation.

10:20 Stand by helplessly as female student #2 collapses and is carried out by teachers.

10:25 Briefly consider collapsing but decide against it, fearing unwelcome exposure of control top pantyhose.

10:30 Conclude ceremony on a high note by mumbling through school song.
10:35 Enjoy pins and needles walk back to the staffroom.

2006-04-05T22:41:00.000+09:00

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go on an overnight drunk, and in 10 days I'm going to set out to find the shark that ate my friend and destroy it. Anyone who wants to tag along is more than welcome."

don't leave your blog unattended

2006-04-04T21:46:00.000+09:00

I’ve been playing six degrees of separation tonight--with blogs. Clicking here, there and everywhere. I have given Chris C’s blog a good shake and the fruits from his tree have been an endless source of entertainment as I sip a second glass of wine and listen to Petula Clark classics in French. (Okay, I'm a bad liar--it's my third glass). The following is a link to a blog I thoroughly enjoyed--so much so that I want to be best friends with this poor, unsuspecting girl.

http://tequilared.blogspot.com

and her sister

http://kissmychopsticks.blogspot.com

FI-GA-RO FI-GA-RO FI-GA-RO

2006-03-31T15:18:00.000+09:00

I`m almost thirty years old and I`ve never owned a car. Actually, I`ve never owned a lot of things. Since I moved to a city more than 10 years ago, I have become a cyclist, a pedestrian and a hard core advocate for public transportation. In other words, I`ve been on my high horse where cars are concerned and have suffered great hardships at the expense of these beliefs--sitting in bubble gum on the subway, getting splashed by speeding SUVs and riding the all-night `Vomit Comet` home from the bar immediately come to mind. Never mind that Christopher used to drive my ass to work, or home to visit my folks. I conveniently denied having any connection with his car (though it served me well, that little Prelude).
And now, something dreadful has happened. I have fallen in love, found my soul mate--in a car.
I saw her for the first time at a stop light, purring like a kitten. I was temporarily hypnotised by her shiny metallic blue body and gorgeous curves. Like Blanche Dubois, her age was elusive. Was she a classic beauty, restored to her former glory, or was she something entirely new?
Never in my wildest dreams would I have guessed she is a Nissan Figaro! And affordable too. I`m going home now to don a handkerchief and my cat glasses. And when Christopher comes home from work I will affect a flirty Audrey Hepburn and say: Do be a doll and buy mama this little baby...

2006-03-31T08:55:00.000+09:00

-What do you do for exercise?

-Tiddly winks. And an occasional anxiety attack.

On the curious charm of men traveling together…

2006-03-27T16:59:00.000+09:00

The circus has left town. I’m left with my sides split and a pickled daikon for a liver. 4 days of just given’r takes its toll on a girl. Words cannot possibly express the laugh riot of a time we had. So I'll say it with numbers.

hospital visits: 1

100 yen McChickens consumed: 12

rules of etiquette broken: 976

karaoke songs: 20

king cans of Asahi consumed: 483

Cincinnati Bowtie jokes: 141

pens mangled: 8

hangovers: 25

displaced Japanese people in the bath: 7

minutes spent looking for Gold Bond: 26

neighbours who won't speak to us: 8

photo shoots with auto-timer: 39

laughing fits: 544

And now, introducing the cast and crew of the Mike, Moose and D shit show...

Osaka

2006-03-24T23:02:00.000+09:00

C and I were eating lunch when the call came in. They had arrived in Osaka in one piece--though Moose left Tokyo with a souvenir of 5 staples in his head. WHA????

We met and checked into a traditional ryokan, or, Japanese style hotel. Instead of the standard double bed, bolted down lamp, bad art on the wall and Gideon bible in the drawer, a ryokan boasts tatami mats, a low kotatsu, rice paper screen doors and folded futons in the closet. There are also yukata in the drawers in varying sizes. As you can see, Mike put his on immediately—over his clothes.

Having sung the praises of a ryokan, I neglected to mention that they are missing one essential amenity: a private shower or bath. Guests at a ryokan must use a shared bath and adhere to the prescribed etiquette. The first thing you must do is pull up a stool and wash yourself three times with water from a basin or tap--the idea being that you should be clean before you soak together in the large bath. Needless to say, the boys caused quite a sensation in the bath, driving half a dozen Japanese men to evacuate before the tsunami of foreign ass even hit the water. Luckily for me, I was the only guest in the Ladies bath and had a wonderfully relaxing soak…

sumo

2006-03-24T22:59:00.000+09:00

Sumo in Japan is, in a word: huge. And I mean that literally. We had the cheapest seats in the house and these guys still resembled giants in the ring. Their obesity is deceiving though. It may look like the wrestlers eat their weight in cheeseburgers but they are marvelously skilled athletes with layers of muscle under all that jiggling flesh. When two wrestlers face off, the impact is something like 700 kg.

My favorite wrestler is the Bulgarian, Kotooshu. His birthday's the same as mine almost. Unlike the archetypical sumo body, his is tall and lean—well, leaner than most. He’s considered a lighter weight wrestler at 6ft, 8 inches tall and 312 pounds (the former yokozuna weighed 517 pounds at the same height) As far as I can tell (and I’m certainly no expert), one of his strategies is to cleverly dodge the oncoming brick shithouse, throwing his opponent off balance before taking him down. When it works, he looks like a matador taunting a bull with an invisible cape.

this is a song I wrote about life...

2006-03-24T22:49:00.000+09:00

After the sumo tourny, we found ourselves at Murphy’s Irish Pub. We arrived at around 7 and were somewhat put off by the two piles of vomit outside the bar. The waitress explained that the St. Patrick’s Day festivities had been a little crazy on Friday night. Still, it was Sunday. One would think that 2-day old vomit is bad for business. Apparently not.
It turned out that 7 was a little early for the Murphy’s crowd. We were the only customers in the bar but that didn’t stop us from tearing it up. We borrowed a beat-up acoustic guitar and ripped with Neil Young covers and Moose originals. The Irish waitress asked if we were Canadian. She said we were having way too much fun to be American… (I think what she meant to say was that Canadians are bigger booze hounds)

loving Moose's guitar face...I imagine he wore the same expression when the staples were going in.

The Shogun of Japan

2006-03-24T22:40:00.000+09:00

What can I say about these pictures? The shotgun, dubbed “shogun” for all intents and purposes was a recurring theme over the course of this visit. The beer in Japan comes in cans, which for Canadians, is an open invitation to grab the closest pen at hand and shotgun it. These pictures were captured on a street corner in Kyoto, just after visiting the beautiful Zen gardens of Eikan-do temple. Notice the small child approaching in the distance--classy.
This was the first of many shoguns. It was a topic much discussed and debated. Can we blow air through a straw and get the beer to come out faster? Can we put this bicycle pump to use? If only we had some compressed air! Is there a hardware store around here?

While most people start their day with a hearty breakfast, these guys did not object to kicking things off with a shogun. They seemed to want to sharpen those drinking skills dulled in the years since living in dorms and sleeping on misshapen futons. With each passing day, the stakes grew higher--the suspense building towards something truly awe-inspiring. At one point, Mike punched the empty can down with his head, taking out clumps of his own hair. What could possibly come next?

And then it found him. I can only assume that it was destiny that brought the two of them together: the 1 Ltre can of beer--Mike’s Mt. Everest.

Mike’s date with destiny was slotted for the last night with us in Kurashiki. We put down towels, brought out the bucket and closed the curtains to keep out prying eyes. Mike donned a bright yellow rain slicker and brandished his pen. Let the cameras roll...

What happened? I'll keep you in suspense for a little while...stay tuned for a link to the live footage.

Kyoto Temples

2006-03-24T22:27:00.000+09:00

kingers and karaoke

2006-03-24T22:21:00.000+09:00

Okay, so we cheated a little by bringing our own beer to the karaoke booth. I think Derek had the most king cans stuck inside his jacket. I had one conveniently tucked into my sock, concert style. By the time we arrived, most of us were slightly in the bag already, which is the state you want to be in before singing yourself hoarse in front of your friends. We spent a raucous two hours making musical history...

Give to me your leather...take from me my lace