Today is the first day of school. Unlike my own childhood, the students here don`t get to parade around in new outfits their moms bought them or show off a Miss Piggy lunch box featuring the coveted chocolate Wagon Wheel. There is no raiding of the supply closet and divying out classic, Pink Pearl erasers and full size pencils free of teeth marks. And there are definitely no spanking fresh notebooks with spines to crack.
Like everything else, things are done a little differently here. Instead, students arrive promptly at eight-thirty and get to clean the school. After sweeping and scrubbing toilets they head to the gym for Opening Ceremonies. At the end of it all, students are about as geared up for school as they are for a root canal--at least from where I`m standing...
9:30 Observe students filing into the gym in that orderly fashion reminiscent of Hitler youth.
9:35 Stand at attention and listen to principal drone in some other language.
9:41 Curse poor circulation
9:50 Tune in to droning principal as he introduces ten new teachers. Try to catch names. Conclude that one of them is named Ken.
9:59 Stand by helplessly as female student collapses and is carried out by teachers.
10:05 Indulge in ridiculous fantasies involving streaking on rollerskates with a cream pie in each hand. Targets: the droning principal and his nefarious cohort, also known as the VP.
10:09 Lose all sensation below the waist. Curse poor circulation.
10:20 Stand by helplessly as female student #2 collapses and is carried out by teachers.
10:25 Briefly consider collapsing but decide against it, fearing unwelcome exposure of control top pantyhose.
10:30 Conclude ceremony on a high note by mumbling through school song.
10:35 Enjoy pins and needles walk back to the staffroom.
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