But changing horses in midstream comes with its own set of challenges. At times I feel like a giant fraud, making it up as I go along. The time I spent earning my degrees is like a hazy cloud in my head after a night of binge drinking. Did I really do that? Yes, you did. That was you. So why am I left feeling so inadequate and ill equipped? And then again, does it really matter? I’d rather be a fraud than a chicken shit. Like my uncle Dennis sneaking into the swimming pool at The Plaza, I’ll just strut my stuff until someone says: “hey, what the f*ck do you think you’re doing?” And then run like hell…
The year in retrospect has been good for me. My face looks the same in the mirror but I know that I have changed in sublte ways that even elude myself. The education system in Japan is tragically flawed but I have shifted my focus to more important things, namely, motivating students and spreading an enthusiasm for, well, everything. I've sacrificed my dignity playing air guitar in class, dressing up my boys in drag, and the crowning moment: belting out On Top of the World with the Brass Band backing me up. It's the cumulative day-to-day moments with my kids that have made me reach for a pen and sign up for another year. Unlike the nameless passengers being chauffered between Point A and B, I'm met with bright and expectant faces every day. It gets me out of bed in the morning…without so much as a phone call.
Sometimes you have to take a giant wrecking ball to your life and put it back together the way you want it. The change has done me good. Cruising at a different altitude, it’s now my turn to relax, sit back, and enjoy the ride.
before:
after:
2 comments:
look what I stumbled upon! why hello, S & C! Sorry couldn't say goodbye, so this hello will have to do. btw, the before pic really doesn't look like the Sarah that I know at all, little freaky. a little too.... goth? maybe for me.
Back in Boston, and, well, jobsearching and finding out ways to make myself feel productive, in that way very similar to Japan.
take care and I will visit whenever I have chances.
Goth? It's called winter in Toronto, Neil. It wouldn't suit you either. Missed you at the Farewell shindig and will miss you this year, especially as we dare to climb Fuji on our own without our valiant leader. Good luck with everything!
Post a Comment